Posted in Free Write Friday

#NotAllWomen: A hashtag to speak to confused sexually aggressive men

(Disclaimer: This is not a justification. This is an explanation for ONLY those exception situations in which men do have a chance with women who don’t want to let them on to that.)

Our culture has a misogyny problem. It’s pretty obvious, based on the universal relatability of the #YesAllWomen hash tag and the Exhibit A condescending and/or overdefensive sentiments uttered by men with no sense of empathy.

But what about the small subset of men who might (?) have had empathy at some point, but have now lost sight of it because they’ve been screwed over by mixed signals from women?

Dudes, I feel you. Just kidding — if you legitimately feel entitled to a women’s body, because your pride is smarting after you misread her signals (and it’s definite that you have no chance after some back and forth), then this is not the discussion for you.

Otherwise, if you’ve been hurt in the past by women who apparently did mean (confirmed, mind you…) yes when they said no, and this was displayed by behavior and words rather than you intimidating the shit out of her: realize that you’re a victim of gender roles, not women.

Sure, we don’t have to put ourselves out there, scared we’ll get rejected, in order to get laid, but in a different way, we waste just as much emotional energy analyzing how to keep men around.

Societal expectations have always relegated me to be passively wait for men to pursue me. And once they show interest, heaven forbid I mess up by showing it back right away.

Keep this in mind:

#NotAllWomen will tell you no when they mean yes.

But some women do.

#SomeWomen will be mean to you and tell you to fuck off only because they’re being passive aggressive and want you to “run after them” and show you care. (But when this happens, it’s probably in the context of some established emotional relationship, and possibly after a fight or some shit like that.)

#SomeWomen will complain that you’re creepy if you approach them but actually aren’t creepy. They’ll project assumptions. (If you suspect you’re being creepy, just make sure you’re leaving it clear that there’s an option to say no, I will not date you or go home with you tonight. There’s a question. There’s a way out. If she’s still snotty, it’s not your fault.)

BUT: Let’s be clear: women don’t know how to approach men yet, first of all. We haven’t been allowed to be the aggressors, to be the ones to tell you point blank that we want you. We have to resort to wish fulfillment through shitty pop music lyrics or something. At times, I sincerely believed that refusing to play hard to get would emasculate men who loved the chase. So I’ll admit that in the past, I’ve dropped hints and then acted distant later.

We’re stuck sitting here, trying to play our cards right and not act overeager in the beginning for fear that you’ll stop caring right away. We’ve been told that men love the chase, that if we ‘give it up too soon’ or  indicate our desires to soon, then we’re not going to get what we want either.

That’s where you might get confused. I haven’t gone to extremes as to reject an innocent someone and wait for them to come back before giving them a second chance.  Not all women are that sexually calculating, but some are even more so. It’s actually hard to distinguish!

Nevertheless, #NotAllWomen play games. So give them the benefit of the doubt. Game theory would dictate the most winning strategy is just to back off in general.

#NotAllWomen are immature. #SomeWomen just have a lot of shit they’re dealing with. They can’t communicate, they can’t muster up the strength to be real about what they want. SO: don’t put up with that. And don’t run a risk and guess what their intentions are.

At the end of the day: #NotAllWomen tell you no when they mean yes. 

 

Never assume that the minority speaks for the majority.

#YesAllWomen is for those who say no and means no. There’s a lot more of those people than the ones who are too immature to deal properly with gender roles.

 

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